Every person who has ever lived has experienced anger. The capacity to become angry is an impressive gift which comes as part of our biological inheritance, but, what we do with our anger makes all the difference.
Anger itself is a state of physical readiness. Our body goes through preparation for action-more adrenaline is secreted, more sugar is released, our heart beats faster, our blood pressure rises, we are alert! Anger is designed as a biological mechanism which operates in the interest of physical survival. We do have a body, after all!
Because anger is a state of arousal, readiness and power, it is dangerous. When it is mishandled, all kinds of problems can be created. Anger used destructively can do extensive damage. Our bodies react to anger but how we choose to use our anger is learned. The good news, then, is that anger can be brought under control by our thinking, our decision-making.
If we consider anger as a response to our fear, the first step in identifying our anger would be to ask ourselves what is frightening to us, or, what we are hurt or frustrated by. Awareness is the key to changing our response because, as soon as we discover the “problem” we can formulate a strategy to deal with it-if we are willing.
The expression of anger is one we most often read about in the newspapers or have vividly recalled for us on television. Maybe we even have some vivid memories in our own lives of anger unleashed! The behavior related to anger is learned. Fortunately this learning can be erased and new learning can take its place. Often it is best to get some help with the new learning-to both erase the old and rewrite the new, and, to support the new program until it is fully working for us. Just like software!
Anger and aggression are different. Aggression is one way anger can be expressed, however, there are many other ways-and most of them are better! Anger can be expressed constructively. To choose constructive ways to express anger, we must make full use of our capacity to think. When we choose appropriate ways to express our anger, we significantly increase the amount of satisfaction we get from living. I feel sure that very few of us get any more than very short-term satisfaction from expressing our anger aggressively, violently or abusively.
New ways can be learned and they give us a new lease on life. Learning to communicate our most sensitive feelings is important. John Powell says in “The Secret of Staying in Love” that the genius of good communication is to be totally kind and totally honest at the same time. At some levels of anger it may be worthwhile to express yourself directly to the person at the time. At other levels it may be best not to share your anger at the moment. Sometimes our bodies are so charged up, our mouth misfires! This does not help. It is our anger. We own it. We must decide what to do with and about it. Giving it away usually does not help.
When we gain mastery over our anger, we gain some mastery over our lives. So learn to transform your anger into a significant resource for constructive living. Learn to identify and acknowledge your anger, handle it, and release it appropriately and healthily. It is life-affirming and energizing. All it takes to begin is a little willingness.
C Rhoberta Shaler, PhD All rights reserved worldwide.
International speaker, coach, author & talk radio host,
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, is an expert motivator. She gives you
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