A recent Wall Street Journal Article confirms, RESILIENCE, an Emotional Intelligence competency, is the best way to manage stress.
But isn’t this like saying you can handle stress better if you can handle stress well in the first place? Well, let’s take a look at this.
Entitled, “Are Your Stressed Out Yet? No Wonder: Research Shows People Handle Anxiety Wrong; the Case Against the Spa,” the article points out what we more or less know, because it isn’t working: “A growing body of research suggests that millions of Americans are managing their stress in precisely the wrong way,” says the WSJ. We compartmentalize it, they say, stressing all day and then trying to make up for it with a bubble bath at night, or a weekend at a hotel once a quarter. (Or a bottle, or a pill.)
They liken this to “binging and purging,” and indeed it is. Because it may “purge” the stress, but, as we know from anger management, the stress does what it does when we’re subjected to it.
Relentless stress, which many of us were under even before this month began, is toxic, all reports confirm. It wears down our immune system, damages neurons in the brain, interferes w/ sexual performance, causes memory problems, and ages us before our time. And furthermore, we don’t enjoy “our time.”
If you want to get real about what this sort of stress is doing to your body, read “The Pleasure Prescription,” by Paul Pearsall, Ph.D., a psychoimmunologist. ( http://www.amazon.com/exec/ obidos/ASIN/0897932072/susandunnmome-20)
SO WHAT ARE WE TO DO?
Resilience, says the article, is what makes the difference — resilience being our ability to bounce back, land on our feet, and maintain our faith and optimism. And here I take exception with the article. The methods they recommend for coping with stress are biofeedback (to become aware you’re stressing–physiologically, that is), a healthy snack at 4 pm, meditation, breathing deeply, eliminating caffeine, laughing, getting perspective, and then what they call “pessimism,” which I would call “keeping realistic expectations,” (i.e., not going ballistic because the ideal doesn’t occur).
“Pessimism” is a poor choice of terms, because all of Martin Seligman’s research on pessimism shows it’s more detrimental to your health than the stress per se.
That having been said, resilience is a quality; it’s EITHER innate, like a “set-point,” OR it’s earned/ learned– by weathering previous storms, building up reserves, learning as you go through it (GROWING through it, not GOING through it) and by – ta da – studying resilient people which, of course, Al Siebert, Ph.D., has been doing for many years.
RESILIENCE & EQ
The wonder of the burgeoning field of emotional intelligence is that people like Dr. Siebert have broken down “capabilities” such as resilience into recognizable competencies we can learn.
And indeed, the winds [of war] will come, and the bough that cannot bend, will break.
Developing EQ competencies such as resilience allows us to manage the stress from the front-end, not by slapping an electrode on our finger to know it’s coming (as if we didn’t know it), and not by hoping to find a ready bubble bath when needed, but by allowing us to develop the qualities those resilient seniors Siebert studied had.
One of them incidently, is fortifying yourself with good friends and people you can talk to. Isolation is the worse thing you can to do to yourself — emotional isolation (which can occur with or without people) — and what is it allows you to connect? It’s your people skills, your emotional intelligence. We have come full circle.
Isolation is considered worse for your health than high blood pressure, smoking, and obesity, sometimes combined.
This time of stress is a good time to be good to yourself, practice those healthy habits you know help, distract yourself (don’t DWELL), and perhaps learn more about resilience and emotional intelligence.
How can you do this? Check out the many resources available on my website. The EQ Foundation Course(c) is a good place to begin.
Susan Dunn, MA, Marketing Coach,
http://www.webstrategies.cc. Marketing consultation,
implementation, website review, SEO optimization, article
writing and submission, help with ebooks and other
strategies. Susan is the author or How to Write an eBook
and Market It on the Internet. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc
for information and free ezine. Specify Checklist.
