Are you hanging on to anything in life that really would be best left behind? Holding onto things from the past, that no longer serve you in any positive way? How do you know? Here are a few insights that can help you have a “baggage-free” life.
DID IT SLIP UNDER THE RADAR?
Sometimes, we can be with folks we believe love us. We consider these folks trustworthy and safe and we allow ourselves to relax when we’re with them. Our history with them is such that we can be vulnerable, comfortable and carefree.
Sometimes, though, in a moment of misplaced frankness or thoughtless teasing, a remark is made that slips under our radar. We were sure we were safe and the zinger takes us completely off guard. Not only that, it makes its way directly to our heart…and our subconscious.
Many years later, we may still be repeating those thoughtless words to ourselves as true when, indeed, the person who uttered the words has forgotten about them completely.
Research shows that many an anorexic became so after an off-hand remark about chubbiness slipped under the radar when delivered by a loved family member or close friend. There were no defences against it and it cut to the quick.
If you are hanging onto something someone once said and repeating it to yourself as gospel, examine this. It was likely untrue at the time and even more untrue now. Release yourself from it. Get it out of your self-talk.
Remember, you choose your self-talk. Choose wisely. Accept no substitutes for uplifting, positive, forward-moving thoughts.
DID IT COME FROM SOMEONE SPECIAL?
Do you have things in your house that you don’t particularly like but someone you love gave it to you or left it to you? Unless you have warm, loving thoughts every time you look at it, release it. Let it go. You are not doing the friend or relative a disservice. You are doing yourself one.
Surround yourself with things that you find functional, beautiful or memorable in the best way possible.
Gifts are tokens of caring. It is the desire to give that is the important thing, not the object. Gifts given with strings attached are not gifts. They are alternative ways of exerting control. Give them back or give them away. That’s the way to get out from under that weight.
Ever receive a gift that felt more like an obligation? I remember my mother giving me a watch and asking me where it was each time I was not wearing it. I eventually offered to give it back to her so that she would not have to wonder where it was. Gifts with tentacles surrounding them are not gifts. Release them.
DID SOMEONE TELL YOU IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO?
Have you examined your beliefs, values and goals lately? Are they truly yours or are they left-overs someone gave you? Recently I was giving a seminar and I asked the participants to quickly write down their beliefs. After two or three, some were unsure what else to write. Our beliefs are ingrained and we often operate from them almost unconsciously.
Perhaps you may have written, ‘I believe each person is trustworthy until they prove otherwise.’ Another may have written, “I believe I can trust no one until they prove themselves trustworthy.” Where do you sit? What is right for you?
One day I was sorting photographs after my mother’s death. As I reflected on the relationship she and I shared, I thought about approval. For my mom’s generation, or, at least for my mom, giving approval was tantamount to giving up control. She had an underlying belief that, if she ever told me I was good enough, I would give up trying, striving and growing. Does that ring a bell for you?
What I learned that day sorting the photographs was that, although I loved my Mom, there were many things about her beliefs and behaviours that I did not approve of. Are you waiting for the approval of someone of whom you do not approve? That is a self-defeating, endless wait. Give it up!
Live by your own rules, your own beliefs, your own values. That is what makes you unique in this world AND able to give your unique gift to the world.
If you are living from inherited agendas or the unwritten rules that were slipped to you, get over it! Step up, step out and step in to your own carefully examined beliefs and behaviours. As Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” You can do it! Start now.
International speaker, coach, author & talk radio host,
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, is an expert motivator. She gives you
the strategies and motivation to shift your results from
acceptable to EXCEPTIONAL in life and business. Subscribe to
her three free ezines at http://www.optimizelifenow.com/.
