I became caught up in the excitement of deciding to train as a coach and so went along with the recommendation I should start working with a coach myself. A minimum of 3 months was suggested and that was fine because I was determined that I didn’t need coaching anyway. The 3 months would prove this to me and anyone else who claimed that working with a coach would be beneficial. When I’m determined it’s usually very difficult to move me because I can be very head strong. My life was perfect, so all we would work on was my training as a coach and the building of my coaching business.
I realise now that it was my ego which prompted me to say I didn’t need coaching. My ego was trying to protect me from any change because your ego prefers the status quo. I’d already run a business and thought I knew all I needed to know. I used to feel it was all up to me and it was weak to have other people help me. I was the only one who could do things and I would certainly never need help from anyone else. This was reinforced by the fact that people used to turn to me for help, advice and an empathetic ear. I was strong, I didn’t need coaching and 3 months of coaching would prove this! I obviously didn’t know or appreciate what coaching could offer me.
A couple of weeks in and I changed dramatically in my attitude towards coaching. I’d found someone I could tell everything to, literally. My hopes, fears, dreams, problems – the whole lot and I even dropped the image that my life was perfect. The first thing that made a difference was that my coach didn’t judge me. She accepted me as I was, even if there was much room for improvement. I’d found someone who truly heard what I was saying and I felt, for the first time in my life, that I was understood completely. She saw my dreams as something to be valued and she encouraged me to clarify them and move towards them. I was asked challenging questions, to think bigger, to be clearer, and to consider other possibilities. Because coaching is a professional relationship, I was working with someone who wasn’t just going to say “yes” to me. My coach, knowing she had my best interests at heart, was challenging me. I relished this challenge, even the times when I didn’t really want to hear what she said. She showed me the big picture when I got bogged down in the detail. She opened up my thinking so I could see I was capable of more than I saw for myself. She encouraged me to truly be my best, particularly when I was inclined to stop short of doing what was possible for me.
My ego would have been very happy to protect me from these wonderful experiences. I’d not previously experienced the opportunity to work with someone who was on the same playing field as me, open to sharing brainstorming ideas and continually moving me forward. Your ego protects you from growing and being outside your comfort zone. Your ego tries to stop you doing something, whether through fear or pretending you don’t need to do it. Your ego is useful when it protects you from danger such as putting your hand in fire. Remember, your ego is extremely clever and powerful; after all it’s had a lot of practice! It will keep trying to find a way to stop you. I feel that, quick as I am to identify my ego getting in the way, it finds another means of stopping me, which I don’t realise at the time. It takes a while to realise this. We’ve become so accustomed to letting our ego rule our lives that we tend to see it as normal, never questioning whether it’s healthy for us.
When your ego stops you being open to something new or stepping out of your comfort zone, you need to clarify whether it’s healthy for you. The first step is to be aware of your ego kicking in.
My ego kicked in when I first started being coached. I didn’t need ‘help’; I could function quite well without it. To me having someone ‘help’ me suggested I wasn’t capable, I had something missing, or I was inferior. I quickly realised that a coach doesn’t ‘help’ you. A coach sees you as a whole person who is capable of unbelievable things. They don’t hold your hand like a child and they’re normal human beings who aren’t perfect. They act as a sounding board, an objective observer. They see things clearer than you do because they step back and aren’t caught up in your daily routine. You can take more responsibility when encouraged by a coach.
Coaching introduced me to so many things I’d not considered before. Instead of carrying on week by week, I had the opportunity to stop and reflect, gather my thoughts, sort out my priorities and focus for the coming week. I didn’t want to ask for ‘help’ as I thought it was a sign of weakness. I could easily have missed the point that being coached could draw on my strengths; being challenged, enjoying collaboration and being in the middle of something that was much bigger then me. The dynamics of two people working together are greater than the sum of the individuals.
What is your ego stopping you from doing, which could be extremely beneficial for you? Write down what your mind is saying, because seeing it in black and white allows you to see more clearly.
What I want for you is to be aware of when your ego is getting in your way.
Wendy Hearn works with business owners, professionals and executives to discover and unlock their own inspiration, to effortlessly take the actions required to have the success they desire. To receive Wendy’s free newsletter, send an email to: newsletter@wendyhearn.par32.com http://www.Business-Personal-Coaching.com Copyright 2003, Wendy Hearn. All rights reserved.
