The longer I live, the more I am certain that the great difference between the great and the insignificant, is energy — invincible determination — a purpose once fixed, and then death or victory. (Sir Thomas Fowell Buxton)
Like many of us, you may have also experienced moments in which giving up seemed to be the most attractive thing to do. When, for instance, your boss has given you a dreadful assignment for the umpteenth time, while your job description clearly stated something entirely different, or when one of your colleagues has once again disappointed you by publicizing a personal issue that you shared with him or her in deep trust when your life partner afresh embarrassed you in front of his or her friends by criticizing your way of dressing, or when one of your children has been caught again in an act that you definitely never taught him or her at home. These are four examples that many of us can relate to, although maybe not necessarily in the exact version.
It is the feeling of disappointment in- and being betrayed by- the ones you thought you could trust, that are the predominant reasons for wanting to quit. Right behind this set of reasons follows the hopeless feeling of inability to perform something you need to do in order to reach your goal. That too is a major turn off to many people who were once very enthused about a certain topic. Both sets of reasons can make it extremely hard to stay determined in whatever it was that you were trying to establish.
And you know what? No one really knows about the tremendous internal struggle you have to go through every time to stay in the situation that – at that moment – is under emotional fire. Yet, it may also be clear to you, once you have reached the stage of maturity, that – although giving up may sometimes be inevitable ? a continuous change of focus could be disastrous to your peace of mind, your reputation, and your general stability in life. You were probably also raised with the truism, “The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win.” (Roger Bannister)
In an attempt to come to some sort of schematic approach toward staying determined when it is hardest to do so, I applied the act of contemplating and self-reflecting, which led me to the below posted list of recommendations. The list is tailored to a one-size-fits-all mode, meaning that these advices are applicable at work, home, or elsewhere.
1. CONSIDER! Determine whether this is still a situation worth your while. Ask yourself: “Is this still what I really want?” If you feel that you cannot fully agree with this question, you should first do some internal research in order to find out where you stand. If you really dread it so badly that it sours up all aspects of your life, you should exit the current state of affairs, and focus your determination on a new goal.
2. STRATEGIZE! If you decide that the current situation is really the best for you on the long run in other words, if you find that quitting would make you feel worse than staying, you may want to keep this old adage in mind: “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” Once that is in your mind, you should conclude that you are tough! Why? Because you came this far in life, not from being a quitter, but from knowing what you wanted. Every hurdle placed on your way should therefore just be seen as a challenge to discover whether you are still in tune with this particular goal. “A determined soul will do more with a rusty monkey wrench than a loafer will accomplish with all the tools in a machine shop” (Robert Hughes). And this is exactly why the first suggested step was: finding out if you still wanted it. Now that you have done that, you need to figure out your strategy to endure. Take some time to mull over the problem. Some possible questions you can ask yourself her! e are:
a. Why is this happening?
b. What can it be that I am – or lack – doing that causes this to happen?
c. What could drive the other person (if any involved) to act this way?
d. How can I change this dreadful detail without permanently damaging the entire status quo?
Point d. is the starting point toward the actual development of a strategy. Once you have determined “what” you can do to change the situation for the better, you can work on the way to do it: the “how”. Now, this “how” may vary from one situation to another, but here are some common acts for your consideration:
i. Plan a serious, open, and honest dialogue with the other party, if there is one involved. Ask direct questions regarding his or her motivations behind the act. Then, mention your feelings of concern or disturbance in a tactful way. Finally, find out if you can work out something between the two of you, whether that will be a limitation to the trust level in this relationship, or a new start.
ii. If you have tried point i. several times before, you may consider a change of tactic, such as internally categorizing this person in a relatively harmless position, possibly building a wall of protection around yourself, so that he or she cannot distress you further.
iii. If the act has driven you to the edge of your endurance, you can set hard rules and deadlines, which, of course, you will have to keep!
iv. A point to never underestimate: Go on! Some things may just be hard on you without anyone else being involved: A task can be difficult, a class can be hard, a distance can be long, but if you show your determination in making it work, you will get help from unexpected corners. Just consider this maxim: “The wayside of business is full of brilliant men who started out with a spurt, and lacked the stamina to finish. Their places were taken by patient and unshowy plodders who never knew when to quit” (J. R. Todd).
3. EXECUTE! Once you have developed your strategy, the execution of your plan is relatively easy.
Remember that nothing is worth sacrificing your self-esteem. Jobs and partners can be replaced if your health and dignity suffer from their presence in your life colleagues can be kept at a distance, although this act will not enhance the spirituality in your workplace. And children? Well, they can never be struck off your life, but once they have grown up, you can decide on turning them loose without ceasing to love them. It is a hard lesson to learn, but it may be the only way to keep your sanity.
And yet: everything that can be done to save a situation you want to keep, or achieve a desired goal, should be tried, because “the difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person’s determination” (Tommy Lasorda). And although things may not always work out the way we planned them, we should realize that “The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand” (Vince Lombardi).
Joan Marques emigrated from Suriname, South America, to California, U.S., in 1998. She holds a doctorate in Organizational Leadership, a Master’s in Business Administration, and is currently a university instructor in Business and Management in Burbank, California. Look for her books “:Empower the Leader in You” and “The Global Village” in bookstores online or on her website: http://www.joanmarques.com
