Friday, September 20, 2024

Goodbye Granddad Pockets

My girlfriend says I have Granddad Pockets, as they are full of goodies, weighted down by a cell phone, pocket change, an enormous German keychain with tiny flashlight and USB jump drive, a wallet with an array of business and membership cards, among many other things on any given day. But soon will come a day when Granddad Pockets will be a quaint back-in-the-day memory as the world moves toward a very James Bond lifestyle.

As digital capabilities come in smaller wireless packages, and as these same engineers continue to develop innovative hybrids, I imagine a world without Granddad pockets, a mobile and lightweight generation of pseudo-cyborg bipeds, going about their business almost in spirit, with their physical presence not really required anywhere.

Mommy Purses, I’ll bet, may be a necessity no matter how advanced we become, unless we eradicate chronic hunger, chapped lips, runny noses, headaches, beauty products, and TicTacs. Yes, the Mommy Purse can never be replaced.

But if you are watching things develop, then it is clear that Granddad Pockets are on the outs. Soon, in my imagination, anybody without the need for a Mommy Purse will leave the home with two things: a pair of shades; and a tiny wireless hybrid command unit. No coins, no paper, no pens, no watches, no brief case, and definitely no clumsy collection of gadgets taking up space in your trousers.

At select locations in Ireland, and soon throughout Europe, customers will be able to buy ringtones and other digital content from souped up Coke machines wirelessly transmitting to mobile phones. A short time later, Mastercard works out a deal with Motorola as Asian markets test out “wallet phones.” Today, Yahoo! introduces Shopping Search on Mobile (Beta) to bring phone shopping to the next level.

Motorola’s MotoROKR, a phone that doubles as an MP-3 player with Apple iTunes, was released at nearly the same time that Apple releases the Nano, a 1.5-ounce credit card sized digital music player. Yesterday, TechNewsWorld outlines Oakley “Thump” sunglasses equipped with a digital music player and earbuds.

And finally, you have Mazda’s new USB keys, which control the locks and ignition of the new Sassou and enable drivers to download music or directions or whatever onto their computerized car.

All of this is some super cool James Bond development. But as it is, to manage all these gadgets, we need some sort of Batman utility belt-or lumpy, saggy, Granddad Pockets.

So you have to wonder how long it will be until some brilliant developer whittles all of these things down into one or two compact mobile units.

Here’s what I want:
1.) A wicked pair of shades that provides my digital music, a wireless headset for phone calls, lenses that double as display screens for email, or discreetly watching reruns of “24.”
2.) A small electronic unit that is my PDA, mobile phone, jump drive, flash light, car starter, house key, credit card, Intenet, pepper spray, Swiss Army knife, and paddle ball.
3.) A Batman utility belt for obvious reasons.

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