The Colonials had their Tea Party; the Boomers had Nam; Generation X, everything we could think of as long as we didn’t miss Seinfeld; Generation Why, because Facebook sent a news feed to spy on them.
The second most popular social networking site quite unexpectedly plucked the bitterest rhubarb in the bunch just by giving the site a simple update.
From the outside, the blogosphere yawned and mentioned the facelift and went on gathering what was left of the daily minutia. Facebook News Feed will update your friends about what’s going on in your life, from breakups to upcoming keggers.
But from within, these were the buds of what Time called this generation’s first official revolution. Facebook members were seething, and set off the largest revolt in social networking history (if we were to chronicle such a thing – which we do, from Forbes to USA Today and back).
The avatars of el Che began their proselytizing at once, inciting other members to boycott until Facebook returned their privacy.
Yes, privacy in public is what they demanded. In three days, there was a host of 500,000 gathered among the Sphere, stretching all the way to Blogspot. Within their ranks there was talk of “Big Brother” and what must be done to stop him.
They posted notice at the door of the Cathedral:
You went a bit too far this time, facebook. Very few of us want everyone automatically knowing what we update. We want to feel just a LITTLE bit of privacy, even if it is facebook. News Feed is just too creepy, too stalker-esque, and a feature that has to go.
We demand that either the feature goes or that we have an option to remove ourselves from the feature. Is it right for Facebook to automatically broadcast a break up with a boyfriend or a denied friendship-add to all those most peripheral of relationships(?)
Do we dare let Facebook become the magazine and we the Brad Pitts and Angelina Jolies(?) Facebook is the proletariat, we are Facebook and we should control it. These new features sign the rights over our social lives away to the intangible and entangling automation of the Internet. Say yes and join this group
And then 600,000 voices were heard against the coming dawn. “Yes, I will join this group,” they said.
But for a few, this was not far enough. At Blogspot, they posted another notice, calling for A Day Without Facebook on the 12th day of September.
The notice added to the complaints “the fact (the feed) takes away from the time-wasting aspect of Facebook,” and called on Microsoft to protect its new advertising vessel. News feeds reduce the clicks and the page views. From the bottom of the White Tower, they fear their fears fall on deaf ears, with no pigeon to carry them.
“Clearly the Facebook organization is not listening.”
But just as the sun was peeking through a curtain of rain, Mark Zuckerberg appeared on the Tower balcony.
“Calm down. Breathe. We hear you,” he said. “We know that many of you are not immediate fans We’re not oblivious of the Facebook groups popping up about this (by the way, Ruchi is not the devil). And we agree, stalking isn’t cool; but being able to know what’s going on in your friends’ lives is.
“The privacy rules haven’t changed. None of your information is visible to anyone who couldn’t see it before the changesSecret groups and secret events remain secret from other people. Pokes and messages remain as private interactions. Nothing you do is being broadcast; rather, it is being shared with people who care about what you do-your friends.”
But that’s the problem. They don’t really like all of their friends. Some of them are creepy.
And the chorus cries: “Privacy in public! Vive la Revolution!”
Epilogue
Campus Progress Publications, known for its valor in battle against Global Warming alongside the steed and sword of MTV, brings word from the Tower. Facebook will introduce more user controls for News Feed.
The Proletariat has spoken.
Add to 
Bookmark Murdok: 
