The phrase “only in America” has never been more apropos. And the phrase “Britney shaved” has never had such an ironic connotation. And eBay has never been quicker to remove a listing (can’t really back up that last part).
If you want the “ultimate Britney Spears experience,” which includes her hair, the electric shaver she used, a partly consumed Red Bull, and one used blue Bic lighter, you’ll have to visit BuyBritneysHair.com. Oh, and you’ll need (pausing menacingly as I place my pinky finger to the corner of my mouth) one meeel-yun dollars.
Originally, the shorn remains of Britney’s career were posted on eBay with the minimum bid set at a cool million. But as noted on the new auction page (where bandwidth costs money, and hence the slowness), eBay cancelled the auction for unknown reasons – unless hair is considered a body part.
Now you can search on eBay and find two full pages of auctions offering Britney’s hair, but those are bald-faced lies it would seem, even if some of them are quite convincing about getting it shipped all the way from America. Some of the hair for sale is blonde, so it must have been collected pre- um – wig out.
No, if you want real, dyed in the sink, made in America Britney hair, you’ll have to pick it up personally from the proprietors of Esther’s Haircutting Studio in Tarzana, California, who really, really hate this boost of free publicity and would never exploit this hair-raising, er, hair-falling situation. That’s why a portion of the proceeds will go to charity. Oh, and their phone number, in large comforting numbers, is at the bottom of the webpage.
If you’re too poor, or too mentally healthy, to buy the real thing, there’s no shortage of memorabilia still on eBay. There are the printed out screen caps of the original auction starting at just $14.99; Britney Spears Buzz Cut Special barbershop signs; paintings of the newly Sinead-o-fied starlet; and of course the entrepreneurial opportunist staple, the completely copyright-infringing tabloid cover t-shirt.
Don’t worry about them being deleted. Sellers are reposting them faster than eBay can say “hair-brained scheme.”
Next thing you know, they’ll be auctioning off Lisa Nowak’s diapers. Oh, no.
eBay could not be reached for comment.
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