Can you guess VoIP company Vonage’s latest selling point? Nope. Try again. Sorry, no. It’s cheaper phone sex. Seriously. No, really, it is.
In a Valentine’s Day effort to highlight the benefits of long distance savings, Vonage Canada and Decima Research released survey results on the “intimate” phone conversations of Canadians.
According to the survey, a large percentage (43%) of Canadians polled consider phone sex an important part of a long distance relationship. Over half (53%) had engaged in phone sex with a close friend or partner.
Quips About The Phoenix
I know we don’t call as often as we should and we aren’t as well behaved as our goodie two-shoes brother Canada. Who by the way has never had a girlfriend. I’m just saying.
–Homer Simpson
As you know, Bill O’Reilly is being accused of sexual harassment from a female producer on his show. She claims they had phone sex and he claims, no he is just a victim of vast right hand conspiracy.
–Jay Leno
Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.
— Dave Barry, “Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys”
Most respondents said a “successful intimate phone call” (gag) consisted of imagination, receptiveness and creativity (isn’t that imagination?), vocalization (hence the lack of sign language), and a (sigh) hands-free phone.
You know there was this one chick I knewnever mind.
“Loving and passionate relationships are about having a sound emotional, physical, intellectual, sexual and spiritual connection,” says Clare Mezes, a Toronto-based couple and sex therapist.
“To help compensate for the absence of physical interaction, racy conversations, leaving sexy voicemail messages, sending cards with sexy
notes and enjoying conversations about everyday life are all good ways to sustain a long distance relationship.”
Some 40% of survey respondents would not interrupt their aural sex (ba dum dum yeah!) for an incoming phone call. About 15% are sick enough to answer only if it’s their mother.
I’ve got Freud on the line. He wants to schedule a session.
Slightly more men than women (60% vs. 55%) thought the lack of “face-to-face or lip-to-lip contact” was the most frustrating part of a long distance relationship. Quebecers, however, had less of a problem with that part as they did the “killer phone bill” or not getting to go out. A small percentage expressed concern about not being able to insult and English-speaking lover in person.
I made that last part up. Did you know the Japanese call French kisses “American kisses?”
Respondents also listed advantages of intimate phoning like not having to get dressed up (or at all!), being able to do other things while engaged in an intimate phone call (gross), and not having to take any precautions.
They forgot about making sure the wife is out, the door’s locked, and all “supplies” at the ready. Let’s not get careless. You could start a fire!
“We’re just happy to be able to do our part to help keep
relationships healthy and happy without breaking the bank, but what people say and do during their conversations is really none of our business.” said Patti Jordan, director of marketing and communications at Vonage Canada.
But they’re going to ask anyway.
