Google has stated that its mission is to index all of the world’s information, an endeavor that CEO Eric Schmidt says will take about 300 years. In business years, that’s nigh on eternity. How does Google plan to last that long? (Cue evil music) Evidence is mounting that Google may be the harbinger of the Apocalypse-or as it soon will be known, Apocalypse Powered By Google.
It begins in a seductive way. A pair of hippie geeks from the Left Coast imagine a world where nothing is unknowable or unfindable (hearken back, dear readers to the Tree of Knowledge).
Yessss, an entire universe indexed and monetized, delivered free to every child via NASA satellites, funded by AdWords, as the Great Goog prepares for the battle between Goog and Magoog (traditional translations have left out a key phonetic element of Gog and Magog at the battle of Armageddon), by becoming a name so present in the mind of the world.
Yessss. Make the Googleplex so alluring that Microsoft can’t retain employees, and ours never want to leave because (Gregorian-type chant here as the camera pans the underground search engineering sweat shop, employees wide, mesmerized eyes spiraling to the giant algorithmic spiders singing to them from above) it’s so great here with gourmet food and casual dress code.
They’ll do it, too. They’ll connect everything and everyone, instantly, efficiently, and make them believe it to be free. But the cost, dear Flock, is the forfeiture of the soul as Google alters Time itself, before creating the necessity to switch to their, and only their, payment system.
The New York Times reports that the catalyst for this will be the employment of RFID (radio frequency identification), but it is unclear as to exactly how Google plans to incorporate this into a futuristic payment system-though there are rumors of a “Google Purchase” rival to PayPal.
RFID is to be the fulfillment of “the Biblical warning that no man might buy or sell, save that he had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of the beast,'” on the back of the hand or on the forehead.
Though RFID experts say an implant on the back of the hand or the forehead would be impractical, it may be said that particular interpretation of Revelation is slightly off the mark. Let’s imagine that the “forehead,” means the head-line on the underside of the palm (often used in mystical readings).
And this “number” as it has been called, was actually an approximation by the apostle John, as he had not quite yet learned the Roman alphabet, and the vision of “666,” was actually “GGG.” And we all know which company starts with “G.”
The “no man might buy or sell,” line was incomplete. It should read, “no man might buy or sell online,” without the mark. At the time Biblical scholars had no real understanding of the phrase “online.”
Or it could be, since it’s on the underside of the hand that the traditionally understood number of 666 is upside down. This means the actual number is 999. Simply add a decimal point, and you have 99.9, which, of course, is the purity of Ivory soap.
It is not yet clear Ivory soap’s role in the Rapture.
But no doubt, whole nations are rising up against Google. Microsoft is fighting the good fight to win the hearts of searchers away, even if it means teaming up with Yahoo!, the infidels of the Internet.
