Hi there Susan,
I have worked for a corporate company for 19 years – My MD is an extremely “driven” individual and is very hard on himself. This character trait has changed recently to being one of total domination (especially regarding ideas or opinions)
I run a small Branch for the Company – and I find now that I am being pushed out – I did not agree with him on a certain action that was taken by the Company – I am now being punished -My ideas are no longer of value – and I am being told by tone and deed that I should Know my place.
I am a team player but I feel fearful of loosing my job.
Its a subtle form of intimidation.
(I work in a male dominated company)
Please advise.
D.
Dear D,
I’m sorry to hear this is happening. People who are rigid tend to become more rigid under stress. A perfectionist must dig in to prove his point as a matter of pride. It sounds like a not so “subtle form of intimidation.”
Bullies rely on the victim being scared and silent, and to fear losing their job. I surmise from this there is no chain-of-command to mount for redress. Even if there were, sometimes it doesn’t work. In fact in some cases, it has been the boss who has “ordered” the bullying, or delivered it him- or her-self.
Bullying is self-perpetrating. Why? Because like attracts like. The bully will hire other bullies, and, worse yet, will promote other bullies. And the victims, or those who find it hard to do their best in adversarial conditions, will leave, as will other good folk who begin to smell the coffee. It’s viral.
Here are some facts about bullying, small comfort to you now, but perhaps of use to you in the future, and to know that you are not alone:
It’s important to note this: Gary Namie, author of “The Bully at Work,” has counseled 4,300 targets of abuse. His research shows that in less than 10% of the abuse cases were the bullies punished, transferred or terminated. “Bullying usually stops when the target leaves the job,” he says. “Companies will never say they have a problem.”
This data is from the US Hostile Workplace Survey, 2000.
You say you work in a male-dominated business. In my personal experience working with bullying, I have found men far more likely to accept bullying as “part of it,” as in “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.” In fact almost like the red badge of courage. And also they tend to be less sympathetic to the victim, feeling they should care of it themselves, not seek help.
It’s a grim picture, and my first advice to you is threefold:
1. As you can see, there’s a “first time” for bullying, and this is it for you. (I assume you don’t have a history of this.) However, in order to learn from this, and minimize the chances of recurrence, please seek coaching or counseling, and go over the precipitatin events.
2. Take xtreme care of yourself. Watch your health. Get counseling, work with a coach, talk it out.
3. Get your resume ready.
Statistically the odds are against a favorable outcome for you and it’s time to take care of yourself. You no longer owe the corporation any loyalty; they are not looking out for you.
Orchestrate a graceful exit.
Talk with a coach or therapist at this point for specific advice to see if they think it’s worth taking action. I don’t have enough data here to say. I assume you have gone up chains-of-command and also been healthily confrontive.
As you can see from the data, you can expect this to last a year and a half, that your co-workers will not come to your aid, and that the eventual outcome will be your leaving.
In processing what caused’ this, it may be that you would do it again, that it was your integrity at stake. If so, ask yourself (1) Is this the kind of place where I want to work? (2) Are these the kind of people I want to work for? and,if you feel the golden handcuffs,”(3) What price health and sanity?
I am currently working with a bullying victim whose boss told him, when he suggested a new procedure, “Don’t ever mention this, bury all the paperwork if you want to keep your job, and don’t talk or think like that again.” It happens. He is in a male-dominated industry with such downsizing there hasn’t been a new person hired in 10 years. Imagine the entrenchment of the culture in such a place; dug in like a tick. This is extremely difficult to change, especially from the inside. Don’t bloody yourself against a brick wall.
About mobbing, bullying and harassment, Jim Landgraf, president of Education Testing Service said, “We don’t see $8 billion worth of antidepressants in this country for nothing. The corporate culture is so accepting of these kinds of aggressive actions, it’s not going to go away.”
Again, my sympathy to you for what is going on. I hope for you a happy landing in a corporation with a more Emotionally Intelligent culture. You won’t be the first good worker driven away by such actions.
P.S. It wouldn’t hurt to see a lawyer, just to get the information.
Warm regards,
Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach
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