About 5 years ago, I became deaf in my left ear, due to nerve damage. At first I wanted to hide it, ignore it, pretend it didn’t exist. I didn’t want to wear hearing aids – that just told everyone I “had a problem”.
But that plan didn’t work too well, so my next strategy was to make sure that people were always on my right side. I pushed for the chair on the right at the restaurant table, and turned my entire body toward the back seat in the car. It was a lot of work! And most of the time I still said “huh?” a whole lot anyway.
Sound familiar? Many of us spend a lot of time and energy trying to hide, or justify, or manage something in our lives. It might be that you’re not careful with your budget and it creates friction with your spouse.
Or maybe you tend to be stubborn, and it causes a problem with your co-workers.
What if instead, you chose to acknowledge your quirk, and accept it as part of who you are. This may be a novel idea to a lot of you who spend a lot of time trying to overcome a (perceived) weakness.
The key idea here is that you learn to enjoy the person that you are, instead of trying to become someone. I’m absolutely not advocating that you use it as an excuse, or a wall to hide behind. I’m absolutely not advocating that you lower your standards, or even not work on raising your standards.
I’m simply suggesting a different approach. By being honest with others, and with yourself, you take responsibility for how your weakness affects your life and the people you care about. And THAT’S what you work on.
By accepting a weakness, it allows you to be honest with people. I now say “I don’t hear well on my left, so you may need to tap me to get my attention.”
You might say, “I tend to be impatient, so please let me know if I rush through things”.
Accepting that you have weaknesses helps you recognize and accept that other people also have weaknesses. Instead of just trying to pretend that we’re all perfect (or should be perfect), instead it helps you see how your (perceived) weakness affects them, and how their weakness affects you.
It helps you ask for patience and understanding, and be more willing to be patient and understanding as well. And isn’t that what you’re really looking for in the first place?
Let’s take this a step further.
Often there are even good things lurking untapped under a (perceived) weakness. My hearing loss has made me more sensitive to body language and tone, and I often pick up on things that haven’t been expressed in words.
My sister-in-law is known for being “picky”, and it can drive her husband a little nuts at times. But that attention to detail has gotten her promoted in her job more than once.
Where would NYPost Columnist Liz Smith be without her “weakness” for gossip? Not rich and famous, that’s for sure!
Where would Lawyer Johnny Cochran be without his quirky arrogance and bravado? I sure want my lawyer to be obstinate and aggressive when he’s defending me!
However, it’s important to remember that a great life is all about balance — everything in moderation. Anything that runs your life — or ruins it — even if it’s a “good trait”, is swinging the pendulum too far the other way.
For example, if you perceive your weakness to be that you are a worrier, yet you find that being a worry-wart has kept you from doing some things you’re glad you didn’t do, that’s great. But if worrying is keeping you from living a full life, then it’s swung too far the other direction. See the difference?
In your life, you are equal to more than the just the sum of all your parts. It’s the combination of them, that makes you special, unique, loveable, and quite frankly, interesting. It’s the balance of them that makes for a happier, healthier, easier, life.
If you try to overcome or deny your quirks, you’ll end up denying yourself. And that’s no way to live.
Success is about living life on your own terms – whatever you define that to be. And sometimes the imperfections are the best part!
Professional Life Coach Kathy Gates is the author of several e-books and e-courses designed to help people live happier, healthier, easier lives. Sign up for her ezine, “Make It Happen” at http://www.reallifecoach.com.
